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A craving need
imprinted in our souls
A heightened awareness
to the surroundings
A want for something more
A rush to reach the finish
An exultation at the highest peak


Something I wrote last year in Creative Writing class...

The Once Wide World

The Fog

All around me
Can't find my way out
Help! Help me! I scream
No one notices-
They never do

When will I escape?
Can no one save me?
Where is my hero, my savior?
It's too thick and hazy
I'll never be able to see clearly again.

Will someone please save me?
It's like a dense maze
With no end, only a past and distant beginning
How did I get in this mess?
Why did this fog close in around me-
suffocating me-
killing me?

{Again, another year-old "suicidal/depressing" poem}

Summer

Hot daydreams
Sweaty days and nights
Lonely nights
Walking in a haze

Where am I?
Walking down a suburb street
Where am I heading?
When will I stop?

I can't answer anything
I'm a walking ghost
Am I dead?
It feels like it.

Even in summer
I couldn't escape...
everything, my life
Constant determination

Never stops or slows down
Must keep moving
Or the pain will be too unbearable
Someone please help me!

{Wrote, ironically, last summer... wow, doesn't sound like me...}

Look Deep

As I look,
into your eyes,
I see deeper than I've ever been
I pierce your soul with my reckless disguise

Your soul opens up and penetrates my body
It's as if your soul is mating with my own
My love for you is nothing naughty
True, I heard those rumors about you and her,

Will you give me the same chance?
Or will you push me away like before?
Never to feel that rush, as in a dance
Just move on, as if that night, I was your little whore

My friends tell me to move on
But how can I, when my love's holdin' strong?
Maybe the truth has always been there, in my face
I can't wait anymore, its been too long.

I'm moving on to someone who can return my love
Eventually, you will also be alone, as I have been
But, don't come running back for my affection
Because you will no longer win.

{Wrote this last year some time, wow, it feels like such a long time ago}

A Heart on the Mend

It all started with a look
That had me forever on his hook
I'll never be free from him
My love of him never grows dim

Why can't I move on?
Be free and gone
Of my inner turmoil
My love is too loyal

Let me go, let me fly!
What is it with this guy?
His hold of me is too strong
I don't know why, but it must be wrong

Unrequited love, they say
Never lasts on the way
From the beginning to the end
Of a life full of distant love--
A heart on the mend

Just some random lines, that I couldn't finish into poems...

Life is a game
filled with no purpose
It all starts with a name



My eyes filled with love,
joy, devotion, hope
An instant reaction of chemistry
Does he ever notice me?
Will I be alone forever?

Through My Eyes

Red blurring the edge
Is this what it feels like?
The outside is just as wretched
Someone come to my aide

My vision is obscured
When will it end?
The inside has already gone
There is no help for me

All I see is red
What is wrong with me?
There is no more fear
No more pain, no more life

Disappointment (Dad)
An Ode to my Father

Constant feeling
Never disappears
I want to be free of it
Or if I can't I know I wont last much longer

Gets bigger day by day
What more do you want from me?
I've done all I can do
Leave me alone,
I'm slowly dying from living up to your expectations

Go away and let me be me
I don't need you anymore
At least not your disappointment and other disagreeable qualities around me
So what? I'm different! Yes! Great! That's perfect! Thank the lord! Hallelujah! Rejoice people of the earth!

But that day will never come will it? The day I'll be free from your patronizing?

Ecstasy

A quick, few blissful moments
Where your hearts beating rapidly,
your brains overcome with wonder,
your body is slightly damp with sweat and exhaustion

An intense feeling
It feels good,
but at the same time like you're dying
Le petit mort the French word for orgasm
Sex and drugs are both ecstasy

Is it really that divine?
People are awed by it
People are inspired by it
Is it really that wonderful?

Some say everythings ecstasy-filled
I say everythings erotic
Is it really worth our time and wondering?
Is it knowledge or experience we're searching from it?

Life

lying on my bed
waiting for an answer
to all my questions
to every and anything

looking at my ceiling
pondering inside my head
thinking, questioning, knowing

hearing me breathe through my nose
feeling my arm's muscles clench through over-exertion
hearing the blood pound through my head
feeling and hearing my heart pumping blood through my veins

is this real? or is it a dream?
contemplating life's questions and answers
everything looks and feels real enough

seeing my chest rise and fall with each breath
hearing all the little night noises in my room
seeing my toes twitch, stretch, and move into the toe trick
hearing me clear my nose so I don't sneeze

growing tired, lying comfy on my comfort zone
legs growing tingly with the sleep feeling
eyes slowly closing with the calm and ease of it all
hard to write with hand growing numb

questioning everything from A to Z
religion - is it worth such blind and narrow-minded devotion?
media - does it really show truth or just human ideals?
life - is it worth fighting for and staying alive?

wondering, questioning, waiting